Relationship Motivations Map

1. SENSATION

What it is:
Physical, emotional, energetic stimulation (touch, excitement, arousal, novelty)

Purpose it serves:

• Aliveness

• Nervous system activation

• Pleasure

• Relief from numbness or stress

When healthy:

• Conscious, time-bound, mutual

• Enjoyed without attachment or meaning inflation

When overused:

• Becomes escape

• Confused with intimacy or worth

Primary domain:
Sexual / experiential connections

---

2. VALIDATION

What it is:
External confirmation of value, desirability, goodness, or correctness

Purpose it serves:

• Identity stabilization

• Soothing insecurity

• Feeling seen or chosen

When healthy:

• Occasional mirroring from trusted people

• Not required for self-worth

When overused:

• Anxiety-driven attachment

• Fear of rejection

• Power imbalance

Primary domain:
Romantic, early attachment, social status relationships

---

What comes after sensation & validation

3. ATTUNEMENT

What it is:
Being emotionally and energetically “met” without needing to perform

Purpose it serves:

• Nervous system regulation

• Safety

• Co-regulation

Feels like:
“I can be as I am here.”

Primary domain:
Mother, family, close friends, therapists

---

4. WITNESSING

What it is:
Being known in your truth without needing agreement or approval

Purpose it serves:

• Integration of self

• Meaning-making

• Emotional maturity

Feels like:
“They see me — not to judge, fix, or praise — just to know.”

Primary domain:
Siblings, cousins, long-term friends

---

5. BELONGING

What it is:
Shared identity, history, or culture

Purpose it serves:

• Rootedness

• Continuity

• “I come from somewhere”

Feels like:
“I don’t have to explain myself fully.”

Primary domain:
Family, community, spiritual groups

---

6. CARE

What it is:
Mutual concern for well-being without obligation or control

Purpose it serves:

• Emotional safety

• Trust

• Longevity

Feels like:
“My existence matters here.”

Primary domain:
Family, deep friendships

---

7. RESONANCE

What it is:
Shared values, humor, worldview, or rhythm

Purpose it serves:

• Joy

• Ease

• Mutual inspiration

Feels like:
“We speak the same emotional language.”

Primary domain:
Friends, chosen family

---

8. GROWTH

What it is:
Mutual encouragement toward becoming more whole

Purpose it serves:

• Purpose

• Expansion

• Integrity

Feels like:
“This relationship makes me more myself.”

Primary domain:
Mentors, peers, adult family relationships

---

9. LEGACY / CONTINUITY

What it is:
Passing on wisdom, stories, presence

Purpose it serves:

• Meaning beyond self

• Ancestral connection

• Time-transcendence

Feels like:
“What we share outlives this moment.”

Primary domain:
Parents, elders, family of origin